*Tuesday, January 27, 2004*

sigh...i've really been on an emotional rollercoaster ride caused by people and things ard me... i can never be happy for long...which sucks....cuz like they always say...good things must come to and end some time...well screw whoever came up with dat line !

i'm really starting to think....do i really wanna go away to study?...my mum just said smthn to me just now which made my heart sink and made me re-think.....she was like..."U better go and take ur SATs just in case this whole thing doesnt pull thru"....it's like she's wishing dat it doesnt get thru... why?

She finds it irritating dat i dnt do anythn at home ( i have stopped doing things nowadays.,.i dunno y..i just dnt have the drive anymore)....when i'm home she makes noise..when i'm out she makes noise....when i do things, she'll also make noise cuz things aren't done HER WAY...i would think dat she'd be happy with me gone...then she won't have anyone to nag at, be angry at....at least i'll be away studying...i just dnt understand...

3 yrs working my ass of in poly barely sleeping almost everytime...why can't i enjoy just 8 mths of doing nothing??? is it wrong? i'm gonna be busting my ass for another 2 1/2yrs AGAIN.... seriously izzit wrong to just let my brain not think too much for 8 mths?? is it so much to ask?? i just wanna do nothing...zilch...zero...not even housework for goodness sake.... i do housework MY own way and in MY own time...but NO..my mum wants things done HER way....

i just wanna be away to study...why can't i?? i've never asked for much from her....SHE'S always demanding so much from me....just cuz i'm not wat she expects me to be....i'm sick of it...being compared to my second sis.... i know its all good intentions...but i'm feeling so stressed up yknw everytime she opens her mouth..... sigh...

but another part of me also doesnt want to leave....so i'm torn between two feelings....why?.....i feel so fuckt up....sigh.....

hahaha..i'm seriously one disturbed chic huh....

Dee blogged at 9:25:00 PM

*Friday, January 23, 2004*

Love u boo! this song's for u too! =))

You And I Both
by Jason Mraz

Was it you who spoke the words that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice, I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing

Oh But it often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright light turns to night
Oh Until the dawn it brings
A little bird who'll sing about the magic that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others only read of
Others only dream of the love,
oh the love that I loved
la, la, la, la

See I'm all about them words
Over numbers, unencumbered numbered words
Hundreds of pages, pages, pages forwards
More words than I had ever heard and I feel so alive

Oh, then you and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore
Oh and with this silence brings a moral story
more importantly evolving is the glory of a boy

Cuz you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
and others just read of
and if you could see me now
well then I'm almost finally out of
I’m finally ow-ow-out of
Finally de-de-de-de-de-de-de
Well I’m almost finally, finally
Well I am free, free, free.

and it's okay if you had go away
oh just remember the telephone, well, they’re workin it both ways
and if I never ever hear it ring
if nothing else I'll think the bells inside
have finally found you someone else
and that's okay
cause I'll remember everything you sang

cuz you and I both loved
what you and I spoke of
and others just read of
and if you could see now
well then I'm already finally out of
I’m finally ow-ow-out of
Finally de-de-de-de-de-de-de
Well I’m almost finally, finally out of words.

Dee blogged at 12:27:00 PM

*Wednesday, January 21, 2004*

Virgo and Gemini

When Gemini and Virgo come together in a love affair, it's crucial to the survival of the relationship that they take time to learn about one another's approach to life and love -- and remember that both partners' attitudes are worth understanding! Gemini is symbolized by the Twins; they can see both sides of a story, they tend to vacillate between two courses of action and sometimes they can seem as if they have a split personality! This relationship is greatly strengthened when steady Virgo provides one Twin with a steady emotional anchor while allowing the other Twin to flit about at will. Virgo may be a bit too serious and demanding for Gemini, especially if this occurs early in the relationship before Gemini has fully committed. If Virgo just gives it time, things will smooth out.

Virgo and Gemini's approaches to life are seemingly so different that mutual acceptance can be hard to come by -- especially since Virgo tends to be so critical and exacting. Gemini strains against Virgo's ultra-practical stance in the world, and Virgo tires quickly of Gemini's flighty ways. They do have much to teach one another, however. Virgo can help Gemini to be more involved in life and to see the depth of ideas rather than simply the surface. Gemini can help bring fun and excitement into Virgo's life.

Both Signs are ruled by the Planet Mercury (Communication). Gemini represents the masculine aspect of Mercury, Virgo the feminine (Mercury itself is androgynous). Virgo wants a dependable partner and therefore uses the penchant for clear communication toward forming the perfect relationship. Gemini is more intellectually focused than Virgo but does have a gift in relating to others.

Virgo is an Earth Sign and Gemini is an Air Sign. Virgo is practical, direct and precise. Virgo asks, "How will this help me achieve my goals in life?" while Gemini, who moves through life relying on their mind, doesn't waste time focusing on where they're headed, but rather simply goes where their mind leads. Virgo's fussy, critical nature and Gemini's aloof detachment and capriciousness can cause trouble for both partners. Virgo must understand that Gemini's flirtatious nature does not affect their feelings regarding the relationship, and Gemini must help to foster that understanding through words and deeds.

Virgo and Gemini are both Mutable Signs. Both are quite flexible; both are able to adapt to change at a moment's notice. Both can be somewhat wishy-washy, however, Gemini due to their incessant intellectual ruminations and Virgo due to their penchant for analysis rather than action.

What's the best aspect of the Gemini-Virgo relationship? The security they can give each other -- once Virgo allows Gemini to commit willingly to the relationship. As long as they communicate with each other and use their Mercury powers effectively, theirs will be a gratifying relationship.

Dee blogged at 11:30:00 PM

oh gosh.....i love this song....Thanx shafaa!! no wonder this song sounded damn familiar.....i can totally relate to this song too.... David Gray- This Year's Love... This song's for u boo ! =)

(This Year's Love)

This year's love had better last
Heaven knows it's high time
And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right
I start to forget
How my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Feeling like you can't go on

Turning circles when time again
It cuts like a knife oh yeah
If you love me got to know for sure
Cos it takes something more this time
Than sweet sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall
Losing all control
Every dream inside my soul
And when you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last

So whose to worry
If our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown
Don't you know this life goes on
And won't you kiss me
On that midnight street
Sweep me off my feet
Singing ain't this life so sweet

This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last
This year's love had better last

Dee blogged at 11:01:00 PM

*Monday, January 19, 2004*

hmmm...i can relate to this song very well.... esp the Solange parts....


*Feelin' you by Solange Knowles feat N.O.R.E*

-(N.O.R.E.)
What type of games are being played
How's it going down
This shorty put a smile on your face, not a frown
I'll take you uptown
And show you around the compound
If you want it, I got it
I'm ready to get down
And ain't things changed but my drawers and socks
I'm getting doors kicked in
Havin' wars with cops
I still sustain
Maintain the same ol' G
It's the Solange remix, N.O.R.E

-(Solange)
There is this guy that I'm diggin'
What I've been lookin' for
Don't know where to begin
We've been talkin'
But Not enough
But when we do talk the things that he says I do love
When I see him, and we talk
There is this vibe between us, I don't wanna stop
So original and so deep
This guy is just like me

Chorus
Hey, uh, let's try something
Let's try to be together
Wrong choice of words
I just want time together
Who knows?
We could really like each other
Give me a chance
I'll change your mind forever
You need someone
Like me to help you to
Clear your mind
And that's what I will do
'Cause baby boo
Who'd never knew
That I'd end up really feeling you

He told me I was beautiful
But what if he tells that to every girl he talks to
'Cause I'm not the only
But actually wish that I could be
He's what I've been lookin' for
Like no other guy that I know
Because he is, is so right
I swear I think about him from morning to night oh from morning to night

Chorus

-(N.O.R.E.)
I'm only 25, but see I'm feeling like I'm 30
I'm so hard in the streets
Got my fingernails dirty
I'm a veteran, sell medicine
To pay the con Edison
Shorty, love of my life, and better than
Love her when I'm down and out, oh
Even love her when I'm wild and out, oh
Yeah, she don't belong from the block that I be on
And when a brother's stressed, she’s the shoulder that I lean

Solange
He's got this hypnotizing smile
That makes me stop and realize he's good looking
But that is not what attracted me, tacted me
So fabulously matched me to him
It was his style and persona
How he does what he does
His whole walk
How he talks is true
So maybe we should
And we could
Put all things aside
Spend some time
'Cause I'm feeling you

Chorus

There is this guy that I'm diggin'
(That I'd end up really feeling you)
{Repeat}

Dee blogged at 11:44:00 PM

so sad...why must i find something i've been looking for for so long too late....and just cuz of dat i can't have it..... life is fuckt up

Dee blogged at 9:23:00 AM

*Sunday, January 18, 2004*

we told each other...and the air has been cleared ! *WiNK*

Dee blogged at 3:29:00 AM

*Saturday, January 17, 2004*

oh god....i just like woke up an hour ago...and i was like sitting down and stoning and thinking.....it suddenly dawned on me on how little time i have left.....

i have to get dat friggin loan approved A.S.A.P !!! n i need the money in the bank A.S.A.P !!! n then i need to get my visa done (meaning dat i better start taking some new mugshots of me amongst other things ) A.S.A.P!!! Chinese new year is coming round the corner..which means dat the whole of singapore will be in a standstill for more than 2 days !!!! then when the money is aldy in the bank..i have to pay my school fees, wait for the acknowledgement letter....wat a load of bullshit waiting man....

and it all started with the difficulty of getting a friggin guarantor.....so much time wasted....and i guess i also had myself to blame for it too...

oh god...NOW i'm panicking..... HOW HOW HOW???? i have exactly 3 weeks n 4 days to go before my supposed date of departure !!!!

oh gosh....and it took me so long to realise all this.....damn damn damn... anyways...i wrote down the stuff dat i think i'm suppose to do it...and on monday i shall execute "Mission: NZ"... i plan to do wateva i can first by the next few days......

it's ok dian...u've multi-tasked on worst things before...u can do it !! YEAY!!!

ok ok...peace dudes...i need to do more thinking, strategising and time management now...

Roger and out

Dee blogged at 11:51:00 AM

*Friday, January 16, 2004*

hmm...been quite awhile again since i blogged...gee...i wonder "do pple still read my blog !?!"....

well well.....hmm..ok lemme update u on stuff....there's this guy dat i like...i think he's like so sweet and stuff...he just seems like the kinda guy i've been wanting...but i'm not really sure if he likes me !?! i mean he's been showing me signs dat he likes me but i can never really be too sure man!! wtf..... sigh...

Dear Aunt Agony,

so i'm like in a dilemma...should i tell him dat i like him? i dnt know if he's being nice and doing nice things for me cuz he's JUST BEING NICE and nothing more to it...or he likes me ?!? yknw how there r some guys who r just naturally plain old sweet?
wat if he doesnt like me and i tell him dat i like him...he'll think dat i'm like prasan chic hahahahah! god i think i'll be so embarassed..... but then again my frenz have been telling me dat i won't know till i try......so how????? HELP!

gosh..i'm just wondering how things will change after i tell him...

so should i or shouldn't i???? anyone with a solution??? help!

Dee blogged at 4:05:00 PM

*Tuesday, January 06, 2004*

gosh...how long has it been since i wrote?? like last year?? hehe...well...everyday i look at my blogger but i just dnt have the mood to write my thoughts....

well.. wat can i say? it's a new year...i hope it won't suck as much as last yr..... i'm still waiting for my money for NZ to come..but it doesnt seem to be coming...so i guess i will have to defer....sigh....how sucky..... i still have i think abt a week left to at least get the money and my visa done and stuff...wat r the odds of a miracle happening within the week? zilch.... uh hmm... i'm a hopeless case...

well well....i'm learning from this i guess.....everyday i learn somethn abt myself....

and another thing...i have learnt more abt my eldest sis...better than i thought...we actually shared some moments...and now i've realised wat a really depressing life she leads....which triggers off her behaviour....the way she is..... i now understand...and i feel so mean and evil...after all the things i've told other people abt her.... i feel like a mega bitch.....

Dee blogged at 6:23:00 PM