*Thursday, November 27, 2003*

i'm in such a fuckt up mood....i may have to defer my studies to july...feeling damn fuckt up and i dnt feel like talking or writin abt it....

Dee blogged at 11:06:00 PM

*Sunday, November 23, 2003*

MYA: Dont be fooled by this innocent-looking
girly, cause inside, there's a tough woman who
knows what she wants. You are a sweet girl who
is down for her friends and will also stand up
for them when needed. Your unique sense of
style shows how much you value your
individuality, only comin' out with clothes
that make you, not define you. Who can't resist
a spicy, yet sweet chica like you? Girl, you've
definitely got it goin on.


Which female R&B artist are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Dee blogged at 11:03:00 PM

*Wednesday, November 19, 2003*

hahahahahah! i think this is quite true lah...i AM LOUD...esp when i'm excited abt smthn!



A GARAGE-GURL. Youre into loud music, hot guys and
wild fashions. Youre most at ease when youve
got all your mates around you and you like to
party. Boys are a game and youre always on the
ball because you make sure youre always number
one.
Your virtues: Confidence, fun nature, sociability.
Your flaws: Loudness, jealous tendency, need for
attention.


What kind of girl are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Dee blogged at 4:32:00 PM

hmm....my whole damn loan has been delayed cuz my mum and sis can't take up a loan for me cuz they have an existing loan with the same cooperative...and i can't ask anyone else in the family cuz EVERYONE has a loan with the SAME COOPERATIVE too! annoying rite??? damn..i wished money fell from the sky...or like some rich generous dude comes along and gives me 82K just like dat! HAH! i wish!

sigh....i need the damn money man...there r rich pple out there who can spare me some cheese man..but i doubt there r many dat r so generous! i need the money for a good cause! i need to study! i need to survive there while i'm in NZ! sigh......

Dee blogged at 4:26:00 PM

*Tuesday, November 04, 2003*

hmmm...i was thinking..... if anyone out there plans to get me a going-away present....

i'd appreciate any of these items below....hehehehhe

1) the hair system thingy...please make it a good one cuz my hair is VERY stubborn...
2) leg shaver....preferably braun...the kind dat plucks the hair...

OR the next best thing...

3) <<~~MoNeY~~>>....i can buy any of these things....with...Money......50 bucks PER person would do just fine....hahahahahahah! i'm such a bitch... but hey..i mean....money would be a good going away present..really....cuz i'm so short of it!! 50 bucks or more would do just fine ok peepz?? i mean u guys aren't gonna get to see me for 3 long years....occasionally only once or twice a year....

gosh..i think my peepz will be like...so thick skinned! tak tau malu!

no but on a serious note....imagine if one person gives me 50 bucks...imagine 10 people?? 500 bucks... I WILL LIKE SOOOOO SAVE DAT MONEY MAN!!! or use it for something...like maybe buy my airplane ticket and stuff....

see? its useful....please do not buy me useless stuff like soft toys ah....i'm being practical here....

I AM DEAD SERIOUS.....

so please do heed my advice....thank you...

Dee blogged at 3:50:00 PM

*Monday, November 03, 2003*

i'm in a fuckt up mood today and my period doesnt make it better..... my mum major sux... dunno wats up with her...always finding fault with me...there's always a bone to pick with me....yknw ah she always acts like she high up there and dat no one can touch her...and dat everythn she does or say is right ALL the time...so fuckt up....she shld just wake up and smell the coffee...NOBODY'S PERFECT...even parents!dats the sad truth but somehow they have this thing like as if they're ordained by god and just cuz they're "ordained", they can just say hurtful things anyhow.... so where does the thing abt u hurting people's feelings verbally or physically a sin comes in? aren't kids people too?
i dnt understand the concept lah....wateva bad stuff kids do to their parents we will get retribution but then when parents does the bad stuff, no, its for the kids own good OR the kids were just plain rude.....
sometimes its just wat we say ,we point out THEIR own mistakes and they know its true and its a slap to their face, dats y they get all angry and riled up...cuz they just can't stand it if someone younger tells them off...cuz THEIR SUPPOSE TO BE OLDER...and SUPPOSE TO KNOW BETTER......hmm...i wonder....does Allah give them retribution for dat? nobody seems to say so....
i dnt understand my mum lah...sometimes when i say things matter-of-factly, she takes it as me being rude...i just don't understand....i mean its just the obvious thing to say right? if she does something wrong, u point it out? just like wat she's been doing all these years... i dnt see the wrong in dat...
how all this topic came abt was cuz of yesterday....
after my auntie, uncle and the whole bunch of cousins went home, we left for my 2nd sister's hse in pasir panjang....and by the time we reached there, my 2nd sis and her husband were not home! so i asked my mum if she called them...and she was like yeah just now...and my 1st sis(the one driving) was like...but u called earlier rite? in the afternoon? and my mum was like yeah lah!(getting all defensive here aldy) then i said, then u shld have called before we left the house...dats when she started to raise her voice, she was like yeah! i called aldy wat! and i said But u called in the afternoon of course they would think dat u'd come then rite? now we come at nite u shld have called before we left the house ( save the trip and petrol if they weren't home rite???) now they're not at home....then she was like...since they not at home, y dnt we leave the things in front of the house? i said why? wats the point they need to give us things also wat..just come another day lah! then she just went berzerk...DIAN IF U VERY CLEVER THEN Y DIN U CALL THEM?? AH?? and of course i said under my breath lah " i'm not the one who wants to give them things"...and i kept quiet cuz no point arguing.... so then she was like calling and calling them..i msgd Mikel for her and msgd my 2nd sis also...but they still din reply....
of course then i said again...i still think u shld have called them before we left....then she just started screaming and screaming at me....AH??? U THINK U VERY CLEVER IZZIT?? IF U ARE SO CLEVER, THEN Y DIN U CALL THEM?? AH?? (me)> DID I SAY I WAS CLEVER?? I WAS JUST SAYING RITE??? ITS THE OBVIOUS THING TO DO WAT RITE KAK NANI??(MY 1st sis just keeps quiet) (my mother)> IF U SO CLEVER, THEN U GO AND TAKE A LOAN YOURSELF LAH FOR NEW ZEALAND!! SEE WHO GOING TO PAY FOR U!!

dat, i felt, was a really below- the- belt hit.....using NEW ZEALAND against me.....i was so fucking flaming mad i tell u!!! then i just said.... "i was just saying cuz its the obvious thing to do...getting all sensitive for nothing...no point arguing with u lah ma" then i just kept quiet...and of course the tears just kept coming....

my mum is just so sore over the fact dat i want to go away to study.... i just dnt understand...i have never asked for much ok...
i know lah last time maybe i din work hard enuf...got a D7 for math blah blah....but i went to poly and worked my ass off... i remember her saying....u want to go u better prove urself here...now i've proved myself...and i deserve dat trip to study in NZ! i worked my ass off for 3 years, day and nite (even then she thought i was on the computer chatting when in fact i was doing RESEARCH AND MY ASSIGNMENTS!!!)

i deserve to study in NZ cuz i have earned it!....ah...kak nani fail exam...did like shit....wah willingly she sent her away to aus....even though we were so tight on budget.....but then now when its me...wanna cut back on me! i'm just so hurt lah.....

and yknw....she's always saying dat...wat kak tik did to us is a lesson for me and kak nani...but wat she doesnt see it dat IT'S A LESSON FOR HER TOO!..... she just doesn't give me any sense of importance.....

so many things yknw she.... eversince i finished poly..she jolly well knew dat i wanted to go away to study....i told her aldy....by hook or by crook, i'm going away to study next year...these r all the things she has said since...

- "dian i think u shld work"
- " dian i think i want to stop working so dat u can start to support me"
- "yknw ah...actually i want to stop working but cuz dian still wants to study....."

TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR WANTING TO STUDY????!!?? i think dats just so fucking warped!!!

and all this must happen when i have my period, when i can't pray...when i can't ask allah for guidance and patience.....aaarrrrgggghhh...so frustrating...and she wonders y i hyperventilate!! its her!!! she's making me hyperventilate!! the doc asked me the other time...girl wat u do until ur brain working so fast?? of course i wasn't gonna tell dat to the doc rite??? Doctor, i'm hyperventilating cuz of my mother....

i dunno lah....see..i'm hyperventilating again.....forget it ...she makes my blood boil.... i'm gonna go offline now....

Dee blogged at 10:46:00 AM